It’s been said that funerals are the worst parties, but Greg’s funeral really took the mantle. We do like explosive goodbyes but this one might have been our fault. Greg was our friend and a regular at the X-Sisters sex bar. You know, that place that Lumi and I own. l don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it on here before but yes, Lumi and I own a sex bar. You should come and visit sometime. Anyway…
Explosive Goodbyes | Bidding Farewell to Greg
I’ve said it before on this blog but Greg wasn’t just a customer. He was more than the guy who would leave money in the tip jars.
He was our friend. But then one day, he just stopped logging in. Vanished.
So, being the responsible friends that we are, Lumi and I tried to reach him. We broke into his house, blew it up, and set it on fire on multiple occasions. You know, the usual methods of communication.
Fuck, nothing worked.
But after all our attempts, Greg remained MIA.
Two months later and we started to think “what if Greg was in his house when we did all that?”
Well, it’s not like we can un-explode a house, so we did the next best thing and we gave Greg a proper funeral.
Explosive Goodbyes | A Sidekick in the Afterlife
We picked out the perfect casket, lined with silk that matched the colour of the bar lights at the X-Sisters sex bar.
We even buried him next to Nathan the Fish. The X-Sisters like to keep our friends close, even in the afterlife. The funeral was a beautiful mixture of laughter and well just laughter.
I’m not ashamed to admit that Lumi and I cried, or at least sobbed, during the service. Well I say we sobbed, we looked sad, that’s what matters right? Anyway, we’re usually tough, but we’re not made of stone.
As the eulogies were spoken, Lumi and I couldn’t help but remember the countless nights spent torturing Greg over something stupid that he said.
It wasn’t just Greg’s presence in the bar that we missed, but we missed our friend.
Speaking of Nathan, he wasn’t just any fish. He belonged to Rach, who’s basically the Fish Whisperer. Her whole life is dedicated to keeping the fish in the bar safe.
Greg and Nathan, lying together for eternity. I bet they’re having fun talking about how much fun the X-Sisters Sex Bar is or complaining about something. Nathan would probably complain about the filters in the fish tank. Sorry Rach but those need cleaned.
At least we threw Greg a good funeral. It’s the least we could do after accidentally blowing him up.
In Memoriam | Greg Bandy (19XX-2023)
A friend, a victim, and the life of the party
We gather here, in words and memories, to honor the life of Greg Bandy. Greg was not only a cherished friend, but also a loyal customer and the embodiment of fun at the X-Sisters sex bar. His laughter, his kind-heartedness, and his unwavering support will forever be remembered by those who knew him.
In the midst of our chaotic lives, Greg was a beacon of light, bringing joy and laughter wherever he went. His dance moves lit up the floor, and his jokes had a way of making even the darkest day a little brighter.
Though his life was cut short by an unfortunate series of X-Sisters events, we choose to celebrate Greg’s spirit and the impact he made on our lives. He was a victim of circumstance, but his memory will always be a reminder to live our lives to the fullest and never take our friendships for granted.
As we bid farewell to Greg, we also acknowledge his new celestial companion, Nathan the Fish. May their eternal bond bring comfort to those they left behind, and may their stories of friendship, love, and adventure inspire us to cherish every moment we have with those we hold dear.
In loving memory of Greg Bandy, our friend, our victim, and the personification of fun. May you rest in peace, and may your laughter echo through eternity.
If you want to come and pay your respects to Greg or just come and fuck an X-Girl then take this taxi.